He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
