I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
