so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize