i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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