I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
