i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
