If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
