I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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