I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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