But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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