I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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