You're so nebulous sometimes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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