Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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