then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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