If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
