I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
