i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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