Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
