Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
