I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
