he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
