I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
