So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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