I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want a musical about memes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
