i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
