dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
