So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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