I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
