The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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