i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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