I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They have beer where we have blood.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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