I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's just like the Real World with babies
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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