Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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