even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
