The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
