The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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