I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
