I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
