When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
