dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
