Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
