Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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