His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
