I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
