Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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