I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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