Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
