Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
