She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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