who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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