Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
