she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
