marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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