party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
