i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
