i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
