Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
