What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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