We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
