went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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