Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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