Fuck appropriateness.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
