Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
