I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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