I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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