so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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